So-So Froufrou

I'd read so much about David Chang and his peachy empire that I was very excited to visit one of his restaurants. We chose momofuku ssam bar because it was sort of on the way to our afternoon tourist destination.



I really wanted to love it. I really really did. But two words summarize how we felt.

Not impressed.

There is nothing bad about momofuku ssam bar per se. It's just...how do I say this without being completely offensive?

It's Asian food for non-Asian people who don't know any better.

And the "who don't know any better" part is key. There are plenty of non-Asian folks who understand and appreciate Asian food, and they, too, would recognize how unoriginal the food is. You could get this stuff in Chinatown or Koreatown for a quarter of the price.

Granted, the plating is prettier and the ingredient quality superior, but, really, people, don't believe the hype. Kudos to David Chang for pulling the wool over so many eyes. That does take talent!

Maine Root Ginger Brew ($7).

Nice bite. And, yes, I'm referring to the taste and not what the price did to my ass.

We got the three-course prix fixe meal ($25).

It seemed like a good deal when we ordered.

Pork buns.

Ok, so this is just one bun. Mr. Monkey was eating the other one as I snapped this. People go gaga over this. When not on the prix fixe menu, the dish goes for $9. Highway robbery!

Was it good? Sure, it was fine, but it's not orgasmic like the People Who Don't Know Any Better claim. This is an old Taiwanese staple called gua bao that costs only $2 at authentic Taiwanese restaurants. See? And it tastes better at authentic Taiwanese restaurants, too. Suckers. Bah.

Instead of enjoying this, I have to admit I was kind of angry when I finished it because I was a sucker. Ugh.

Sichuan beef tendon.

Again, another fairly common dish at hole-in-the-wall Chinese dives. Again, only a couple bucks at said places. Again, angry.

Spicy rice cakes.

I almost feel like I should just say, "Ditto," except insert "Korean" instead of "Chinese" in the commentary above. Yeah, that's about it.

Grilled branzini.

Hallelujah! This was actually very delicious...and not a prettified version of Asian comfort food. Best savory sampling of the day.

Thai iced tea parfait.

The questionable presentation notwithstanding (rabbit poo, anyone?), this dessert proved interesting and rather tasty. Tangy, creamy, and crunchy -- it had it all.

Ice cream pie.

Also surprisingly yummy. I say "surprisingly" because, by the end of the meal, our expectations had dropped considerably.

The "graffiti" outside of momofuku ssam bar continued the theme of "bastardized version of the real thing."

momofuku milk bar was next door. Didn't go in. Shocker, I know.

I don't understand why people have gone apeshit for this place.

Well, that's not exactly true. I do have a theory, and that theory is perfectly embodied by NBC's old slogan about reruns -- if you haven't seen it, it's new to you.

Don't be one of those people who hasn't seen it. Get out. Explore. Take advantage of having friends who are familiar with non-American cuisines. Try new things in new areas. Don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone. Don't be one of those People Who Don't Know Any Better.

Or you'll end up paying $25 for a lunch like this, and you'll rave about it.

Next: Liberty and justice for all.